Spiders and Omelets

Spiders and Omelets

So do you know why you should support your favorite authors and buy their books? Its so they can afford exterminators and ham. So I head downstairs dreaming of melty, cheesey omelets and I spot the four pack of toilet paper I had chucked down like an hour ago. Feeling like a real adult since I was in the process of not only replacing toilet paper but also about to cook, I’m grinning like an idiot. That was when I saw it. The slightly darkish spot next to the skirt of my couch. “What the hell?” I put down the toilet paper and mostly empty can of Diet Mug root beer and grab a tissue. It was a spider, holy ever loving fuck was it a spider! With legs sticking out it was bigger than a quarter. So I strike! And I miss!! Fuck! Fuck! Where is it??? Want to know where it...

Christmas Lights and Wasps

Christmas Lights and Wasps

Dec 5th- I only hang two strand of lights for Christmas, just enough to drape across the front porch and wrap around the corner pillar. Hey I’m single and there is a step stool involved. So I figure today its nice out like almost 70, so I think perfect, its not cold I’ll get the lights up. Why in the hell are bees still alive in December!! Don’t those bastards die off like in October (j/k). I had like a swarm (no j/k it was like 10-15 dive bombing me) while I’m trying to hang two f’ing strings of holiday lights on a step stool swaying in an uneven bed of mulch, that is when I’m not running for my life and darting around like a lunatic with a steady stream of obscenities flying out of my mouth and screaming “Die Fuckers!!” While spraying the equivalent of bug...

Pinterest was designed by the Devil

Pinterest was designed by the Devil

Now, don’t let the title fool you, I freaking LOVE Pinterest. I love the organization ideas, pretty home decor, awesome make up ideas and writing tips. Starting my journey with Pinterest I knew that I, for all intents and purposes should stay away from DIY ideas and cute, quick recipes… I knew this… Until… I saw the recipe for the delicious looking, fresh, hot, Chocolate Chip cookie microwaved in a ramekin. Single serving yumminess, just for me?? I had to try. Now, let me preface this story. I have three types of people in my  life.. I say types, because if I said I only had like three people in my life I’d sound kinda awkward… anyway. Friend A– “You should really eat Yoplait’s new whipped chocolate yogurt instead, it will be much better for you.” I love friend...

Self-Publishing Tips #3

Self-Publishing Tips #3

Even if you’re just starting out, having an established website puts you ahead of the game. It’s the one place where you can compile all the information that your readers will need to know about you and your books. No pre-order link? No problem, direct them to your website. Also as you start establishing your brand by creating bookmarks and swag, it’s best to include your website from the beginning rather than have wasted...

Self-Publishing Tip #2

Self-Publishing Tip #2

Don’t overshare. There’s a difference between being active on social media and tearing down the veil of mystery that helps protect you as an author. Readers are interested in you as a person,,, yes. But do they really need to see your cousin Larry’s wedding...