Typical Saturday Night at My House

Typical Saturday Night at My House

I posted this a while ago, but it still holds true. Below depicts an average night at my house.   Okay so these bad boys have a story. It’s long so get comfortable. So I’m upstairs doing my thing, posting on Facebook, writing, cursing Tumblr templates, you know the norm. When I’m like, man I’m kinda hungry and its dark out. Shit. It’s like 10pm. So I turn on the office light and walk my happy self downstairs dreaming of the frozen processed chicken patty that is about to become my happy place when I realize its dark in my kitchen. That may be normal for most of you but not me. I live alone, that bad boy is on all the time. I’m like flip, flip, flipflipflipflip!!! Dammit! So I turn on the florescent overhead light and wince, the light,, the light. I look over...

Die! Goose! Die!

Die! Goose! Die!

So those of you who know me, know that I am an unabashed animal lover. I pick up earthworms off of hot pavement, I spoil my cat rotten and I damn near needed therapy when I accidentally ran over a baby bird mowing my backyard. (That coupled with the discovery of a tick on my clothes prompted for extra overtime so I can pay a nice college boy to mow my lawn, that was two years ago). Anyway. I love animals. Except Geese. I hate those bastards with a passion. Now there is a caveat. I love goslings. They are an exception since they are so damn cute, but once they become adults all bets are off. Once they mature they become assholes. The picture above is the asshole goose that has become the bane of my existence. For the past two years, every spring, I live in fear....

Spiders and Omelets

Spiders and Omelets

So do you know why you should support your favorite authors and buy their books? Its so they can afford exterminators and ham. So I head downstairs dreaming of melty, cheesey omelets and I spot the four pack of toilet paper I had chucked down like an hour ago. Feeling like a real adult since I was in the process of not only replacing toilet paper but also about to cook, I’m grinning like an idiot. That was when I saw it. The slightly darkish spot next to the skirt of my couch. “What the hell?” I put down the toilet paper and mostly empty can of Diet Mug root beer and grab a tissue. It was a spider, holy ever loving fuck was it a spider! With legs sticking out it was bigger than a quarter. So I strike! And I miss!! Fuck! Fuck! Where is it??? Want to know where it...

Christmas Lights and Wasps

Christmas Lights and Wasps

Dec 5th- I only hang two strand of lights for Christmas, just enough to drape across the front porch and wrap around the corner pillar. Hey I’m single and there is a step stool involved. So I figure today its nice out like almost 70, so I think perfect, its not cold I’ll get the lights up. Why in the hell are bees still alive in December!! Don’t those bastards die off like in October (j/k). I had like a swarm (no j/k it was like 10-15 dive bombing me) while I’m trying to hang two f’ing strings of holiday lights on a step stool swaying in an uneven bed of mulch, that is when I’m not running for my life and darting around like a lunatic with a steady stream of obscenities flying out of my mouth and screaming “Die Fuckers!!” While spraying the equivalent of bug...

Pinterest was designed by the Devil

Pinterest was designed by the Devil

Now, don’t let the title fool you, I freaking LOVE Pinterest. I love the organization ideas, pretty home decor, awesome make up ideas and writing tips. Starting my journey with Pinterest I knew that I, for all intents and purposes should stay away from DIY ideas and cute, quick recipes… I knew this… Until… I saw the recipe for the delicious looking, fresh, hot, Chocolate Chip cookie microwaved in a ramekin. Single serving yumminess, just for me?? I had to try. Now, let me preface this story. I have three types of people in my  life.. I say types, because if I said I only had like three people in my life I’d sound kinda awkward… anyway. Friend A– “You should really eat Yoplait’s new whipped chocolate yogurt instead, it will be much better for you.” I love friend...