Pinterest was designed by the Devil
Now, don’t let the title fool you, I freaking LOVE Pinterest. I love the organization ideas, pretty home decor, awesome make up ideas and writing tips. Starting my journey with Pinterest I knew that I, for all intents and purposes should stay away from DIY ideas and cute, quick recipes… I knew this…
I saw the recipe for the delicious looking, fresh, hot, Chocolate Chip cookie microwaved in a ramekin.
Single serving yumminess, just for me??
I had to try.
Now, let me preface this story.
I have three types of people in my life.. I say types, because if I said I only had like three people in my life I’d sound kinda awkward… anyway.
Friend A– “You should really eat Yoplait’s new whipped chocolate yogurt instead, it will be much better for you.”
I love friend A, but when a bitch wants a cookie, now matter how much I may complain about my jeans feeling snug, bitch wants a damn cookie!
Then there’s Mom- “You were just complaining about gaining weight, you don’t need a cookie, and check the sugar content on that yogurt.”
Friend B– “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to make one, if you want a cookie, just make some.”
Me– “But if I make a dozen cookies, I’ll eat a dozen cookies.”
Friend B– “Then eat a couple and throw the rest away.”
Me– “I don’t know which circle of hell you clawed your way up out of, but here in Middle Earth if you make a dozen cookies you eat freaking 2 dozen cookies!”
Friend B– “Huh?”
Me– **eye roll** “Well the recipe makes 1 dozen, but by the time you get your fix eating the cookie dough you really have enough for like 4 cookies, so you have to make 12 more.”
Friend B– “No wonder your jeans are getting tight.”
Me– “Fuuuuuccccckkk yooouuuuu!”
So you see, when I saw the mouth watering picture of the cookie in a cute little dish, I thought I had found the perfect solution.
So, I gather my ingredients. I’m really feeling the baking thing, got my flour out, I’m eating chocolate chips, I’m measuring shit. Good Times!
Now the recipe calls for 1 tb butter melted, 1 tb white sugar, 1 tb brown sugar, 2 tb chocolate chips, pinch of salt, 1 egg yolk, 1/4 cup flour and 3 drops of vanilla. So, like everyone else in the country, my vanilla extract didn’t come with a damn eye dropper, I totally guestimated that shit. I start stirring everything and I’m feeling stoked!
It smells just like a chocolate chip cookie! Yes!
I pop that precious baby into the microwave and set the time for 50 seconds.
I am literally standing in front of my microwave bouncing up and down as I watch the little bowl spin. I was a little concerned until the 36 second mark, but then it started to rise and get puffy and brown. By the time it was done my mouth was watering.
I use a towel to pick it up and set it on the counter. I look down. It doesn’t look like the picture on Pinterest, but I am a cynic, I know this is real life, and this shit smells great. So I get my fork and lift the steaming fork to my lips.
It tastes just like…
Betrayal! Betrayal and Broken promises!
It actually tasted like a bland, sugar free flour cobbler. Bleh! By now, I really have my mouth set for this damn cookie! So I stir it up and take another bite.
Holy fuck! How did 50 seconds in the microwave transform my cute chocolate chips into pools of burning lava!?
After the second bite I realize that I have been lied to, that the person on Pinterest probably threw a Chips A hoy into a ramekin and took a picture.
That is why Pinterest was created by the devil. It’s a field of dreams and promises that burn your tongue with molten chocolate chips and send you spiraling into a self hate funk where you question your worth as a human being.
Can’t even make a damn cookie. This sucks! Maybe I did something wrong? It was only like 6 ingredients how could I fuck this up?
Then I realize I didn’t fuck up, Pinterest just tricked me.
So I grab a Yoplait whipped chocolate yogurt, pick up my iPad and head to the recliner.
Then open up Pinterest…